Sir Nigma: “You’re planning on keeping this thing going after the calendar is over?”

Marty: “Yeah, well, it’s been fun. Not gonna win any prizes, but it’s been worth at least a chuckle every day. I figured I could come up with some sort of adventuresome story, or something. It’s like a daily one-panel improvisational photographic webcomic.”

Sir Nigma: “That might be the dumbest thing I’ve ever heard. Also, we need to stop doing that ‘Author’s Voice’ thing right now. It’s getting weird.”

UPS Guy: “I need you to sign for this crossbow. And these crossbow bolts. And these other crossbow bolts.”

Cindy: “What the hell have I gotten myself into? I signed up for an advent calendar, not a murder calendar. Anyway, you guys fucked it up — the catapult is the most ridiculous weapon, you’re supposed to do that one last.”

UPS Guy: “Ma’am, I just make the deliveries, I’m not in charge of joke structure.”