RTM 1.1 Update

So after finishing Alpha Sapphire under my ridiculous Real Trainer Mode rules, I came to the conclusion that the rules concerning learning new moves are a bit harsh. Learning moves is an important choice that happens with a lot of frequency, so having so little control over it is a bit of a bummer. So I’ve modified those rules a bit, though I’m presenting it as an “optional easier version” for the moment, largely because I’m too lazy to update the rules file. This information has been added to the included Readme, though.

  1. Learning from an HM, TM, or NPC Teacher does not require a roll, you may choose which move to replace. (This will be your repair option if things get fucked up. Be sure to pick up those heart scales for the Deleter/Relearner.)
  2. When learning due to a level-up, if you do not want the new move, you may reject it without rolling (due to your trusty Training Stick).
  3. If you do want the new move, you must roll. On a high roll (4-6), you may decide what move to replace. On a low roll (1-3), the pokémon decides.
  4. Roll for the pokémon deciding:
    1-4: Replace that move.
    5: Pokémon is still deciding, roll again.
    6: Pokémon has decided that it doesn’t actually care after all. You may choose.
  5. If the pokémon decides to replace a move that you want to keep, you may still choose to use the Training Stick and reject the new move entirely, keeping your old moves.

Soup of the Evening

So in looking for low-carb recipes for my crock pot/pressure cooker, I ran across one that looked good, so I modified it a bit for my own preferences and to make it a little low-carber. It turned out good. Damn good. So here’s the recipe:

Chicken Bacon Broccoli Leek Chowder
(which I have just now decided to call CBBL or “Sybil” Chowder.)

4-8 cloves garlic (depending on your garlic preferences; I use 6), minced
3 green onions, chopped
1 leek, chopped
2 stalks of celery, diced (and a wad of the leaves, if you got celery with leaves in it)
8 oz portabella mushrooms, sliced
1 bag (12 oz) frozen broccoli florets (“Steamfresh” or equivalent)
4 tbs butter
2 c chicken stock/broth (I guess there’s a difference, but I don’t really know what it is. I bought broth and it was fine?)
1 lb boneless chicken breast(s)
1 lb bacon
8 oz cream cheese (i.e. a box of Philadelphia)
1 c heavy cream
1 tsp salt
2 tsp black pepper
1/2 tsp MSG (“Accent Flavor Enhancer”)(optional)
1 tsp garlic powder
1 tsp thyme or rosemary (your choice; I like rosemary)

Dump the minced garlic, onions, leek, mushrooms, and celery in your slow cooker, with 2 tbs butter, 1 c broth, and the salt/pepper/MSG. Cover and cook on ‘low’ for 1 hour.

You now have one hour to do the following:

— Cook the bacon, however you like to cook bacon. I prefer to bake it in the oven myself, but I no longer have an oven, so I went the easy route and got a box of pre-cooked microwaveable bacon (15 slices, which is about what you get out of a pound of raw bacon) and nuked it a bit longer than the instructions said so it would be a little crisper. This is not a gourmet solution. Anyway, after your bacon’s done, chop it into pieces.

— Put the remaining 2 tbs of butter in a skillet over medium-high heat. When it’s melted, sear your chicken breast(s) on both sides, about 6-8 minutes each side until they’re well-browned. The chicken will not be cooked all the way through, and that’s fine. When that’s done, move the chicken to a plate to cool, turn the heat off on the stove, and pour the remaining cup of broth into the skillet. Use a rubber spatula to scrape the burnt off of the bottom of the skillet. You are basically making unthickened gravy here. When the chicken is cooled off, cut it into cubes a little larger than keyboard keys.

— Dump the broccoli into a colander in your sink and check that it doesn’t have any noticeable lumps of ice on it. If it does, rinse it away with some warm water. Otherwise, leave the broccoli there for now.

— Cut your block of cream cheese into wads. Probably like 8 wads. Leave it on the counter so it’ll soften a bit more.

— You almost certainly have not used up the whole hour, so go fuck around on the internet for a while.

Once the hour is up, stir the contents of your pot and put in the cream cheese. Stir that around till it’s well-mixed and you don’t really see any big lumps of cream cheese anymore. Then add the bacon, chicken, “gravy”, cream, broccoli, garlic powder, and thyme/rosemary. Stir it up and put the lid back on, and cook on ‘low’ for 8 hours.

Serve when finished, or serve whenever if your cooker has a ‘keep warm’ option. It’s not necessary, but you can add a little cheese on top — no food in history has ever been ruined by the addition of a little cheese.

Makes eight 1-cup servings. That’s like appetizer size. For a meal you will want 2-3 cups minimum.

Pokémon RTM 1.4

New rule. I call it the “Gary Oak Is a Motherfucker” rule.

The problem with Gary (and Pokérivals in general) is that a) they are very high level compared to other trainers you’ve dealt with leading up to that fight, and therefore will obliterate you if you aren’t ready for them, and b) they appear out of nowhere, so you WON’T be ready for them, unless you’ve played through the game before and know when to expect them.

(Yes, it is obvious at this point: Gary kicked my goddamn ass in Cerulean.)

It is not really suggested that you play your first run through a pokémon game this way. But I want it to be possible, so something obviously needs to be done about that motherfucker Gary.

The Gary Oak Is a Motherfucker rule is this: For any trainer battle in which the trainer surprises you by running in from offscreen, you are allowed one mulligan — that is, any pokémon fainted in your first attempt only at that fight may be healed for free, without revives, even in the event of a total party wipe. If you wipe, you had better find somewhere else to train before activating that event again.

If you know when and where Gary shows up, you may not take the mulligan. This is only for unexpected trainer battles. (And, to reiterate, they have to come from offscreen, so “I didn’t know that NPC standing there was a trainer” doesn’t count either.)

Pokémon RTM 1.3

Discovered a problem with using the PC to temporarily store fainted pokémon so that they aren’t healed by the Nurse: turns out the PC also heals mons. That throws a bit of a wrench into things.

New Rule: Assign a particular PC box to be Fainted Pokémon Storage. Rename the box accordingly, in games that permit it. Whenever you have a fainted (but not killed) party member, and don’t have a Revive to heal it with, drop them off in that box as soon as possible. (Remember to switch back to your main box afterward, so that captured mons aren’t sent to the Fainted box.) You may withdraw mons from that box only by paying for each one by discarding a Revive from your inventory. (You don’t need to roll the die.)

You may leave fainted mons in your party if you wish (for example if you’re on your way to the Lavender Tower heal pad, or somewhere where a Revive is available, etc.), but you cannot use Pokécenter healing while you have fainted party members.

Pokémon: RTM 1.2

Blame @ZombieHam for this.

1) When a pokémon wishes to learn a new move (due to levelling up) but already has four moves, roll:
   1: The move is not learned.
    2-3: Roll again:
       • 1-4: Replace the corresponding move. (re-roll if impossible [HM])
       • 5: The move is not learned.
       • 6: Replace the move of your choice (or don’t learn it, if you prefer).
    4-6: Replace the move of your choice (or don’t learn it, if you prefer).

2) When attempting to teach a move to a pokémon using an HM or TM, and the pokémon already has 4 moves, roll:
    1: Randomly select a different party member that is permitted to learn that move. Start this process over, except you are now attempting to teach the move to the new pokémon.
    2-3: Roll again:
       • 1-4 Replace the corresponding move. (re-roll if impossible [HM])
       • 5: If a TM, throw it away unused. If an HM, start over.
       • 6: Replace the move of your choice.
    4-6: Replace the move of your choice.

Yes, this is horrible. You are training horrible little monsters who do not listen to you, and who get in the way when you’re trying to teach new moves to other party members. As a trainer, your job is to embrace anarchy and roll with the punches; to survive, you must adapt to the capricious whims of fate (and little bastard monsters).

Pokémon: RTM 1.1

I started testing out Real Trainer Mode on an ebay copy of Fire Red. Some early thoughts and rule adjustments:

a) In PARTY.3 (withdrawing from the PC), change the 1 result to: “Roll for a random party member. If you roll a blank space, nothing happens and the withdraw is unsuccessful. Otherwise, the party member indicated is deleted and replaced with the withdrawn pokémon.”

b) In COMBAT.1 (switching), change the die results to:
   1: The switch fails. Continue with the fight.
   2-3: Roll for a random party member. If you roll the currently active pokémon, the switch fails and the fight continues. Otherwise, switch to the indicated party member. If you roll an ineligible result, roll again.
   4-6: Switch as normal.

New optional rule: To fully experience the infuriating magic of Twitch Plays Pokémon, roll a die whenever you move to a space which is adjacent to a ledge. On a roll of 1, you must hop down. (Suggested by Jenni)

Suggestion: For more TPP goodness, name your pokémon randomly by closing your eyes, moving the d-pad around, and occasionally pressing A. In later-gen games, you may wish to switch to lowercase after the first letter. (My Squirtle’s name is “H tores”.)

Warning: Be super goddamn careful at the beginning of the game, before you get pokéballs. If Gary or wild pokémon knock out your starter before you have the opportunity to get any more guys, it’s game over. Remember to pick up the free Potion from your home PC.


(NOTICE: If you got here from Googling for Real Trainer Mode, what you probably want is this page. This one here is the old version.)

So, as some of you are aware, I got super into the whole Twitch Plays Pokemon thing. At least for Gen I (Red), that is; I haven’t gotten into the new game (Crystal) as much. Maybe because I don’t have any nostalgia for Gen II. I really enjoyed the first run, though, and kind of didn’t want it to end. I considered doing a Nuzlocke run, but that doesn’t have any of the random accidents and surprises that made the TPP run so interesting. So I started making up my own set of rules.

As I was working on them, I had the thought that they were turning into a somewhat realistic simulation of what it would actually be like to be a pokémon trainer. After all, you couldn’t actually choose what attacks your guys use in fights — at best, you could shout suggestions at them, and maybe they’d listen, but more likely they’d be distracted by the crazy goddamn thing they’re fighting. And storing living creatures electronically on a home computer? Not just that but sending them over a modem line to the computer of some dude named Bill that you hardly even know? Are you nuts?

So, here’s my set of rules. The game plays basically the same, until you either get into a fight, or try to interact with a PC, at which point you’ll need a regular six-sided die. These rules aren’t tested yet, as I’m waiting on a cheap used GBA I ordered off eBay. If you try this out, let me know how it went. Share some stories.


1) You may catch any number of pokémon, without restriction.

2) Before attempting to manually store a pokémon in the PC, roll a die. If you roll a 1, delete it immediately.

3) Before attempting to withdraw any pokémon from the PC, roll a die:
1: Delete a random member of your party. if you roll an empty space, do not reroll. Regardless, the withdraw is unsuccessful.
2: Delete the pokémon you were attempting to withdraw.
3: Delete a random pokémon from the top 6 of the current box. (Again, do not reroll blanks.) The withdraw is unsuccessful.
4-6: Withdraw is successful.

1) You may attempt to switch pokémon at the beginning of a combat round. Roll a die:
1-2: Roll again and switch to that party member. Re-roll if that is impossible.
3-6: Switch as normal.

2) After resolving any switching (or deciding not to switch), roll a die:
1-4: Use the attack corresponding to that number. Re-roll if that is impossible.
5: You may use an item of your choice, or try to escape, or roll again.
6: You may use an item of your choice, or an attack of your choice, or try to escape.

1) Pokémon killed by poison or burn damage (whether in combat or in the world) are dead permanently.

2) Pokémon that faint must be healed with a Revive before they can be healed normally (e.g. potion, Pokécenter, etc.).
— Fainted pokémon that are healed accidentally must be destroyed immediately.
— You are permitted to use the PC to temporarily store fainted pokémon so that they aren’t healed at the Pokécenter, but they must be withdrawn immediately afterward. Fainted pokémon stored for any other reason are subject to the standard PC-use rules.
— Unusual healing circumstances (e.g. the heal pad in Lavender Tower) are permitted for fainted pokémon. (Therefore, a pilgrimage back to Lavender Town is a possibility, if you can’t afford to buy Revives. Good luck with the ghosts.) Mom’s healing does not count as unusual.

3) In the event of a total party wipe, all current party members are killed permanently.

4) Treat permanently killed members of your party as blank slots until you can get back to a PC to discard them. Pokémon that are only fainted are still subject to (e.g.) being chosen as sacrifices to the PC.

1) Eggs are treated as regular pokémon for all possible purposes. For example, eggs carried during a party wipe are destroyed along with your regular pokémon.

2) You are not permitted to teach HM02 (Fly) to any pokémon.

3) No trading with other players. You may trade with yourself, if you want to import your crew to another game.

4) Do not use the Pokéwalker.

5) You may use the Daycare freely. It is recommended you do so before screwing around with the PC.

6) Optional: For extra difficulty, allow escaping from fights only on a roll of 6, rather than the usual 5 or 6.