Filbert’s Old Time Quality Grape, natural magnets.

Smells: vaguely grapity.

Tastes: vaguely grapity. Or, if I was in a more sarcastic mood: grape-tinged dishwater. Seriously, I expected a lot more grape out of that barrel of grape on the label. I expected to be hit in the face with a sock full of grape. A blackjack right to the forehead, filled with grapes. A grapejack. “WOO!” I was prepared to say, “This Filbert’s Old Time Quality Grape Soda is motherfuckin’ flavorful! There’s some goddamn grape flavor in this grape soda! Fuckin-A!”

But no. No, it was not to be.