Man, what a title. It’s almost a challenge, isn’t it? I’ve seen some pretty bad IF in my time, mister, let me tell you. You’re gonna have to be pretty damn bad to live up to that title, Dean Menezes.

Huh. That’s it?

Nope, sorry. Not the worst IF Game in history. I did not cringe. I did not shake my head in disgust. I did not get angry at the sheer unadulterated awfulness of the game, as I have done in the past. I merely blinked and shrugged. Calling this The Absolute Worst IF Game In History is like saying a Dr. Scholl’s tv commercial is a worse movie than Manos: The Hands of Fate. Or Hobgoblins.

You didn’t even succeed at failing.

Rating this game above a 1 is plainly impossible, and yet if I give it a 1, that means it’s as bad as the other 1-rated games I expect I’m doomed to see this year. So you get no rating at all.