My years of research into domains deemed “unnatural” by my narrow-minded peers have familiarized me with all manner of unusual fairy, sprite, and pixie. Take, for example, the rare Shoe-Leather Brownie  I encountered in Flaxham-by-Bough, or the Chichester Goblin, or Wee Michael in Crabstead Heath. I have encountered spriggans, bogglins, pookas, poltergeists, dryads, naiads, elves, trolls, Forgotten Children, and shimmering pimps, but nothing could prepare me for my encounter with that most loathsome of fairy-kin, the slime urchin.

Whereas the majority of spritefolk (with the exception of elementals such as dryads) are composed of matter reasonably akin to human flesh, the slime urchin is formed of a faintly luminous and transluscent jelly-like material, slimy and cold to the touch like a refrigerated slug. In shape they have the appearance of tiny children (as is common among such creatures), but with unusually large heads, far out of proportion to their bodies, and wide saucer-like eyes far out of proportion to their faces. This gives them a general appearance of surprise, as though you have caught them in the midst of some shameful and disgusting activity,  which they were expecting to carry out uninterrupted. This will almost certainly be precisely the case.

[The esteemed professor’s article cuts off here, as though terminated due to distaste and disinterest.]