So the way this works is: shitty cameraphone photo of a bottle of something, and a thing from my desk. This is a bottle of “capt’n Eli’s Blueberry Pop” and a Skutter from Red Dwarf. Also shown: leatherman, junk mail.

Smells like: very sweet artificial blueberry.

Tastes like: Sugar water that smells like very sweet artificial blueberry. Oh wait, is there a very slight blueberry aftertaste? … Ummm… Yeah, a little bit of one, I guess. Okay, yeah, it barely has enough blueberry flavor in it to qualify as a blueberry soda, I suppose.

…Man, I don’t know what else to say about this. This may not end up being a very good blog project. Blogject. Thants.

I guess I could review the label. It has a nice sort of woodcutty art style, although if that’s capt’n Eli pictured, he is apparently captain of a rowboat. He also has a parrot, which strikes me as odd, because that’s a pirate thing, and I can’t imagine that capt’n Eli is swashbuckling his way up and down the coast of Maine, terrorizing the local blueberry farmers and hauling back overflowing bushels of fruit to be sold on the Spanish black market. Although, you know, at least he wouldn’t have to worry about scurvy. Also, he seems to be about fourteen years old.

He does have a sort of wistful, dreamy look on his face. Like maybe he’s imagining himself to be a pirate captain while rowing blueberries to market for his blueberry-farming uncle. It’s probably pretty easy to imagine yourself to be a pirate while rowing through turbulent coastal waters with a gigantic parrot on your shoulder.

Hold on to your dreams, capt’n Eli.