Cindy: ???Hey, so, I???m getting the hell out of here. It was good meeting you guys.??? Sir Nigma: ???You???re leaving? What???s the matter???? Cindy: ???I???ll tell you what???s the matter: this place is packing enough heat to give three weapons to everyone living h…

Sir Nigma: ???Are you sure about this? We???ve only just met and suddenly you???re wanting to leave. It???s kind of a bummer.??? Marty: ???I???m sorry Ed, but finding out that my father is some kind of crazy flail-flailing knight is just really inspiring to me….

Sir Nigma: ???You???re planning on keeping this thing going after the calendar is over???? Marty: ???Yeah, well, it???s been fun. Not gonna win any prizes, but it???s been worth at least a chuckle every day. I figured I could come up with some sort of adventu…

Marty: ???So what happens now? I???m not fighting my own father to the death.??? Sir Nigma: ???No, I agree that would be inappropriate.??? Marty: ???Anyway, we???ve only got four days left on this calendar. If we want to keep up this daily posting thing, we???re …

Marty: ???So, uh, it kinda feels weird to call you Sir Nigma if you???re my dad.??? Sir Nigma: ???How about ???dad??????? Marty: ???Man, I just met you.??? Sir Nigma: ???Well, my first name is Ed.??? Marty: ??????Of course it is.??? Guy: ???FedEx. Got a couple spears to delive…

Marty: ???Hey, so it turns out we fucked up a little. Queen Leona???s balcony-thing was standing in front of door 16, and it got skipped. For like two days.??? Queen Leona: ???Don???t try and blame me for your incompetence! Assholes!??? Sir Nigma: ???Huh. So wh…

Sir Nigma: ???Oh god, I am never playing quarters with this pig ever again.??? Marty: ???While you were passed out, Applepig ejected his apple and started growing a new one. It was weird as hell.??? Applepig: ???Oink???? Sir Nigma: ???I think my stomach just tu…

Sir Nigma: ???I hereby take back everythin??? mean I shaid about thish calendar yeshterday.??? Marty: ???Man I think Applepig is gonna drink you under the table.??? Sir Nigma: ???I love that pig. That pig issa best pig inna world.???

Marty: ???So, we???re back from the break finally. What???s new???? Sir Nigma: ???Well, we got one of those jousting dummies, except instead of being the kind where if you don???t hit the target right, it knocks you off your horse? This one, if you don???t hit …

Sir Nigma: ???How did this happen? Everything we???ve gotten so far has been reasonably sane. But a pig with an apple growing out of its back???? Dude: ???Hey guys, what???s going on???? Marty: ???Seriously. I???m pretty sure this is impossible by any natural mea…