I started testing out Real Trainer Mode on an ebay copy of Fire Red. Some early thoughts and rule adjustments:

a) In PARTY.3 (withdrawing from the PC), change the 1 result to: “Roll for a random party member. If you roll a blank space, nothing happens and the withdraw is unsuccessful. Otherwise, the party member indicated is deleted and replaced with the withdrawn pokémon.”

b) In COMBAT.1 (switching), change the die results to:
   1: The switch fails. Continue with the fight.
   2-3: Roll for a random party member. If you roll the currently active pokémon, the switch fails and the fight continues. Otherwise, switch to the indicated party member. If you roll an ineligible result, roll again.
   4-6: Switch as normal.

New optional rule: To fully experience the infuriating magic of Twitch Plays Pokémon, roll a die whenever you move to a space which is adjacent to a ledge. On a roll of 1, you must hop down. (Suggested by Jenni)

Suggestion: For more TPP goodness, name your pokémon randomly by closing your eyes, moving the d-pad around, and occasionally pressing A. In later-gen games, you may wish to switch to lowercase after the first letter. (My Squirtle’s name is “H tores”.)

Warning: Be super goddamn careful at the beginning of the game, before you get pokéballs. If Gary or wild pokémon knock out your starter before you have the opportunity to get any more guys, it’s game over. Remember to pick up the free Potion from your home PC.

(NOTICE: If you got here from Googling for Real Trainer Mode, what you probably want is this page. This one here is the old version.)

So, as some of you are aware, I got super into the whole Twitch Plays Pokemon thing. At least for Gen I (Red), that is; I haven’t gotten into the new game (Crystal) as much. Maybe because I don’t have any nostalgia for Gen II. I really enjoyed the first run, though, and kind of didn’t want it to end. I considered doing a Nuzlocke run, but that doesn’t have any of the random accidents and surprises that made the TPP run so interesting. So I started making up my own set of rules.

As I was working on them, I had the thought that they were turning into a somewhat realistic simulation of what it would actually be like to be a pokémon trainer. After all, you couldn’t actually choose what attacks your guys use in fights — at best, you could shout suggestions at them, and maybe they’d listen, but more likely they’d be distracted by the crazy goddamn thing they’re fighting. And storing living creatures electronically on a home computer? Not just that but sending them over a modem line to the computer of some dude named Bill that you hardly even know? Are you nuts?

So, here’s my set of rules. The game plays basically the same, until you either get into a fight, or try to interact with a PC, at which point you’ll need a regular six-sided die. These rules aren’t tested yet, as I’m waiting on a cheap used GBA I ordered off eBay. If you try this out, let me know how it went. Share some stories.

Pokémon: REAL TRAINER MODE

PARTY:
1) You may catch any number of pokémon, without restriction.

2) Before attempting to manually store a pokémon in the PC, roll a die. If you roll a 1, delete it immediately.

3) Before attempting to withdraw any pokémon from the PC, roll a die:
1: Delete a random member of your party. if you roll an empty space, do not reroll. Regardless, the withdraw is unsuccessful.
2: Delete the pokémon you were attempting to withdraw.
3: Delete a random pokémon from the top 6 of the current box. (Again, do not reroll blanks.) The withdraw is unsuccessful.
4-6: Withdraw is successful.

COMBAT:
1) You may attempt to switch pokémon at the beginning of a combat round. Roll a die:
1-2: Roll again and switch to that party member. Re-roll if that is impossible.
3-6: Switch as normal.

2) After resolving any switching (or deciding not to switch), roll a die:
1-4: Use the attack corresponding to that number. Re-roll if that is impossible.
5: You may use an item of your choice, or try to escape, or roll again.
6: You may use an item of your choice, or an attack of your choice, or try to escape.

DEATH:
1) Pokémon killed by poison or burn damage (whether in combat or in the world) are dead permanently.

2) Pokémon that faint must be healed with a Revive before they can be healed normally (e.g. potion, Pokécenter, etc.).
— Fainted pokémon that are healed accidentally must be destroyed immediately.
— You are permitted to use the PC to temporarily store fainted pokémon so that they aren’t healed at the Pokécenter, but they must be withdrawn immediately afterward. Fainted pokémon stored for any other reason are subject to the standard PC-use rules.
— Unusual healing circumstances (e.g. the heal pad in Lavender Tower) are permitted for fainted pokémon. (Therefore, a pilgrimage back to Lavender Town is a possibility, if you can’t afford to buy Revives. Good luck with the ghosts.) Mom’s healing does not count as unusual.

3) In the event of a total party wipe, all current party members are killed permanently.

4) Treat permanently killed members of your party as blank slots until you can get back to a PC to discard them. Pokémon that are only fainted are still subject to (e.g.) being chosen as sacrifices to the PC.

MISC:
1) Eggs are treated as regular pokémon for all possible purposes. For example, eggs carried during a party wipe are destroyed along with your regular pokémon.

2) You are not permitted to teach HM02 (Fly) to any pokémon.

3) No trading with other players. You may trade with yourself, if you want to import your crew to another game.

4) Do not use the Pokéwalker.

5) You may use the Daycare freely. It is recommended you do so before screwing around with the PC.

6) Optional: For extra difficulty, allow escaping from fights only on a roll of 6, rather than the usual 5 or 6.

So, since writing that last post, I’ve learned something new.

I previously thought that the only way to get a tenth villager was to talk a camper (or a packed-up villager in another town) into moving in — i.e. getting a tenth villager was something you had to actively cause, of your own volition. It turns out that, if you have nine or fewer villagers, and you visit the town of someone who has had a villager move out recently, that villager can move into your town unexpectedly. (And I’ve heard that this applies to any player interaction, such as StreetPassing.)

Needless to say, it was quite a shock when I found this out. Fortunately, Kitty picked a fairly reasonable spot for her house, else there would have been an awful wailing and gnashing of teeth, let me tell you.

So, the takeaway from this is, if you’re doing the new-player reset trick to manage where villagers put their houses, do not ever sit around with your town at nine villagers, because you can’t solidly control when someone new is going to show up.

My advice is, the morning after a villager moves out, when you’re back at 9, start doing the reset trick with the goal of getting someone decent to show up at the campsite. Once you get a camper you’re satisfied with, talk them into moving in, and then on the following day you do the reset trick again, to get the camper’s house where you want it. (Or at least, where you don’t hate it.)

Important Changes to Federal Tax Form 1080-VQ.Ω8 :: Thing X.

It’s that time of year again! I’m a little annoyed that they closed the donkey milk loophole, but c’est la vie.